Diary of a raped Girl: how I got disvirgined' part 1

So I stumbled on this story on one of the blogs I follow and thought to share this true life story of an angry victim of rape. 

Read how she put it below; 

Chapter one:

 HOW I GOT DISVIRGINED 

I look at myself in the mirror and I see a shadow of who I want to be, my reflection has been replaced with a monster! An angry black woman! A bitter soul! 

If They say beauty is on the inside then I must be the ugliest woman on earth!

I wasn't always this way, there was a time many years ago I was a happy teenager and all that mattered to me was what latest song or jeans was in vogue, I lived for the moment! Those years seem like centuries ago! 

How did I get here? 

How did I become this bitter that sometimes I want to hurt myself just to feel external pain so the pain I feel inside is not so bad!

MEN!! MEN!!! 

Men Have always been the catalyst to everything bad that has happened to me, today I cry myself to sleep and every man is a surrogate for the evil ones I have met along the way.

It all started 14 years ago when I was hypnotised and kidnapped by 2 Igbo men on the streets of Lagos, my only crime was stopping to give them directions, they lured me to a face me I face you room, one pretended to be a foreigner from Cotonou (it was months later I realised they were a team), in this face me I face you room there was another Igbo man waiting for them, they said they had female clothes for sale then the third Igbo man came out with a drum and right before my eyes this men turned paper to money, I remember my exact words like it was yesterday 'ha! This is fake money' I said and the 'foreigner' started saying how he made such money for Governors and Ministers in Nigeria, the second Igbo guy started blessing God that he had hit the jackpot…..I wanted no part of it I started crying asking to leave but that's when I saw the knife placed on the table....

The owner of the house said 'no one is leaving here, we are all in this together, we are going to swear an oath that nothing that has gone on in here would he revealed outside' I was in tears begging for my life, swearing that I wouldn't expose them, I begged God to save me. Long story short they striped me naked said some things in Igbo that I did not understand and then they raped me one after the other! 

While they all watched…

I remember their breathe, the weight of them on me, their moans! 

This is how I was DISVIRGINED!!!!

Disvirgined In a dirty face me I face you room by three complete strangers! At the age of 16! 

I knew that day lying there that my life was never going to be the same again! I had lost my innocence, my dignity, my pride, my joy! I had lost myself!

I thought that was the end of it, but they were not done with me, my hell on earth started that day and it went on for 5 more months……..This was just the beginning!

I am getting teary eyed so i will stop typing now!

 I am 30 now and I still cry myself to sleep, I am still haunted by my past, every relationship I have had, is affected by this and many more that happened to me! 

I am finally ready to come out with my story because I know there many girls and women out there like me! 

Rape victims who are scared and ashamed to tell their stories!! 

Women who have been sexually abused and molested and got no justice! 

Women who are worried by the stigma of the rape netted out to them.

 This stigma is what has made me keep mute for 14 years about all I have gone through but then silence does not lead to solutions....no,it does not.

They say time heal all wounds but the scars are forever……scars that are even more painful than the wound itself.

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